Media Bias: Sexist Math Edition

The wise men of our press corp reported this story recently:

The AP originally reported that Figge swam from the Cape Verde Islands off the coast of Africa to Trinidad (2,100 miles) in 25 days while escorted by a boat. She was said to have rested every night and hopped back in the water in the morning.

Figge woke most days around 7 a.m., eating pasta and baked potatoes while she and the crew assessed the weather. Her longest stint in the water was about eight hours, and her shortest was 21 minutes.

I hate math too; it's the pseudo-science foisted by the regnant patriarchy. But let's deconstruct what this so-called "math" would have us believe.

Figge swam 25 days at 8 hours maximum per day. 25 x 8 = 200 so she swam for a total time of 200 hours. During those 200 hours she covered a distance of 2,100 miles. Also, some sexist pig named Newton (who names they're kid after a cookie anyway?) "claimes" that velocity = distance/time; or v = d/t. Well, if that's true then Figge's velocity is 2,100 miles/200 hours.

Or 10.5 miles per hour. That's a 5:42 per mile; about as fast as a world class marathon runner. We know that the fastest a man can swim is about 5 mph.

So, the choice is yours. What are you going to believe?

That a beautiful, unreconstructed and unashamed feminist women swam the Atlantic at a pace double that any man can swim or the mysoginist sports press that so often seeks to denigrate and destroy women who achieve (and hence, threaten) in their little world?

Yeah, me too. I can't wait for Figge to swim around the entire world! With a little training, it should only take her about 2 months. Womyns 4-evah!