Andy Roddick is the Best Tennis Player to Ever Live

He may not win much at tennis. In fact, he's pretty shitty.

But Andy Roddick WINS AT LIFE!

Here's how they met:

The couple met in 2007 when Roddick asked his agent to contact Decker's agent after seeing her in SI.

I told my agent to contact her agent also. In 2006. So technically, she should be married to me. I have since fired my agent.

I Am Chatting with a Live Person

Below is the lightly-edited (only names have been changed) transcript of my chat w/ a LivePerson:

Chat InformationPlease wait for a Chat Consultant to respond. Your wait time will be approximately 0 minute(s) and 3 second(s).

Chat InformationWelcome to QuickBooks Sales Chat. You are now chatting with 'Christopher ("Apu")'. I'll be your QuickBooks Business Consultant. How can I help you today?

Christopher ("Apu"): Hi, this is Christopher ("Apu"). Thank you for choosing to chat with me today. How may I assist you?

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): Hi Chris,

Christopher ("Apu"): Hello!

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): My business partner and I are purchasing properties in Oakland as rental income investment buys. We both live in LA, but pretty far from each other. We both need access to the information in quickbooks, but only one person will be managing it. Should we get Quicken Prop Manager, QB Pro, or QB Pro 2 user?

Christopher ("Apu"): I would be happy to assist you with that today! May I have your name please?

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): Gen. Sir Charles Napier:

Christopher ("Apu"): Pleased to meet you online Gen. Sir Charles Napier:!

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): thank you, same here

Christopher ("Apu"): It would be better to just have the Pro 2009 1 User License then one of you will just remotely access the program.

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): If we go with that, can we each install it on our own computers?

Christopher ("Apu"): With QuickBooks Remote Access, you can access your computer remotely from another location. For example, if you go on a business trip with your laptop and need to access your company file on your desktop PC, you can access the desktop PC through QuickBooks Remote Access. You don't have to have QuickBooks installed on your laptop, just leave your desktop computer running while you are away. Internet access is required for both the desktop computer and the laptop.

Christopher ("Apu"): That means that only one of you needs to have QuickBooks.

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): Does QB Remote access have the same functionality as QB on the desktop?

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): Is it a web based interface or thick client?

Christopher ("Apu"): Absolutely! You can either work on QuickBooks. I recommend either of you you needs to have QuickBooks should have the program.

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): so QB R/A is a web based app?

Christopher ("Apu"): That is correct.

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): If I have an installed copy of QB Pro, can I use that to access the file? Instead of the web?

Christopher ("Apu"): You will have to share a backup of file.

Christopher ("Apu"): It will not update automatically.

you (Gen. Sir Charles Napier): ok... so this is much better than quicken prop manager, correct?

Christopher ("Apu"): I apologize, but I do not know that program.

Christopher ("Apu"): I have not heard from you for a few moments. Do you have a question that I may answer for you today?

Christopher ("Apu"): Since I have not heard from you for some time, I will now end this chat. Please do not hesitate to chat with us again if we can be of further assistance. Have a nice day!

Chat InformationChat session has been terminated by the Chat Consultant.

I deem this somewhat helpful. Just enough that I'll probably use LivePerson again.

On Perks and Non-Perks: The Non-Perk Edition

Employers typically have some perks that they provide employees; a well-stocked breakroom for example.

Today, I want to highlight a non-perk: Being forced to watch Harvey Keitel masturbate repeatedly because a co-worker is QC'ing The Bad Lieutenant and keeps yelling, "Hey, you gotta check this out!"

PS: I spent 30 seconds trying to ruin your life by posting an image from the movie. I failed.

AFGHAN VILLAGERS RIOT OVER SHORTAGE OF DAILY ESSENTIALS: FALAFEL, DONKEYS, AND MAN-SERVANTS

The AP is reporting that locals in the Afghan town of Peshawar have begun rioting over the lack of essentials that they blame on the US-led coalition forces.

"Where is my donkeeeeeeeeeeey?" wails Abdul bin al Shawari? "Without my donkey, how can I pay for my 8th wife?"

The complaints of bin al Shawari (pictured above w/ wife #4) are not uncommon in this village. Since the fall of Kabul, residents of Peshawar have dealt with an alarming lack of security in the once peaceful desert oasis. Compounding the unstable situations is the lack of Falafels; the main source of food for most.

"My Falafel tree has stopped producing this year. George W. Bush has sprayed an anti-Falafel pesticide on my crop," says Mohammed "don't call me Mahmoud" Zawahiri through an interpreter.

Read more...